Chinglish signs

Amusing Chinglish signs have me breaking into what must seem like totally inexplicable fits of giggles in the oddest of places in China. Here are a few of my favourites from my trip.

shop, Yangshuo, China

pharmacy, Macau, China

hound toilet, Macau, China

Ok, so this was in Sabang, the Philippines, so it's not strictly speaking Chinglish, but still worthy of inclusion

Yangshuo - Part Two

As recommended by Lonely Planet we took a bike ride through the local countryside, pausing to see two landmarks: an ancient Banyan tree and Moon Hill. We paid a bit extra to have a guided tour, which although our hotel told us was not really necessary, I’m glad we did as otherwise we would probably still in be in a field somewhere in south-west China. We had all dressed sensibly in trainers and comfy clothes, whereas our young female guide was clad in tight jeans and high heeled boots, and flew along effortlessly whilst chatting away on her mobile.

We cycled past fields where chicken or pigs scratched around orchards, and through villages full of construction work. Our first stop was the 1700 year old Banyan tree, which, was, well, a big old tree. It was a nice scenic spot to take a rest, and watch village life going on – supplies coming in by raft and women washing clothes in the river. It was also a welcome break from the bicycle, which seem to be fitted with the most uncomfortable saddle known to man. We then took a slight detour to see Moon Hill, before riding back into town. On the way we passed a lorry loaded up with the carcasses of dead dogs, some still dripping blood, which was not so scenic.

Our last adventure in Yangshuo was taking a hot air balloon ride. Not being the best person with heights (i.e., being stupidly petrified of them) at first I had chickened out and declined to do it, but as the day wore on I didn’t want to miss anything and so signed up.

I first began to have a twinge of regret when I saw our hot air balloon operator: he looked about 12, and I spent the whole ride wondering whether or not this was his first day. Our ascent has to be one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I didn’t feel at all secure when all that was stopping me plummeting to a grisly demise was a waist height wicker basket and a rather flimsy looking plywood floor, and held onto one of the balloon’s support posts so tightly that my hand started to hurt.

However, despite low cloud cover/smog, the views were fantastic, and gradually I began to relax and enjoy myself, although I still felt that I needed to hold onto something. This was until the point when we tried to land. We nearly hit some trees, and only just managed to skim over the top of them. Next we sailed perilously low over someone’s house and some power lines, all the time getting further and further away from the area we were meant to land in. Finally we landed on a public road, and then I made a spectacle of myself by being unable to get my leg up high enough to hoist myself out of the basket. There was another group ballooning at the same time as us, and when we picked them up in the minibus we discovered that they had landed in a tree. I think if that had happened to us, I might just have had hysterics.

Yangshuo - Part One

The first time that I walked down the main street in Yangshuo I was in continual danger of bumping into someone or getting run over as I was so busy staring at the truly stunning karst mountains to pay attention to anything else. Normally, the idea of somewhere being a ‘backpacker’ town would be enough to fill me will horror, but Yangshuo completely won be over with its pretty, bunting decorated streets, relaxed pace, friendly people and startling beauty.

Having only previously visited the metropolises of Beijing and Shanghai, it was a surprise to see people walking about carrying the traditional shoulder yoke with two baskets, normally filled with farm produce to sell on the street – which in rural China includes live chickens. Despite obviously relying on tourism for much of its income, and being stuffed full of hostels, hotels, eateries and souvenir shops, I was pleased to see that it was also still a functioning rural Chinese market town.

On our first night we were lucky enough to stumble across the excellent Seventh Heaven Café. We made the mistake of straying a couple of times during our stay, but never found anywhere else in its league. My favourite dish was their hummus and pitta bread, which was made entirely from scratch when you ordered, and was easily better than anything I ever ate in Greece.

We were equally fortunate in our hotel, West Lily, run by an extremely helpful couple called Lily and Steven. They also have an adorable little girl, just over a year old, who knew full well that she was far more interesting than the postcards I was writing.

The first thing we wanted to do was take a boat trip down the river Li, and after being quoted a ludicrous price of 2000rmb in Guilin, found that we could do a river trip from Yangshuo for under 100rmb per person. The boats leave from Xingping, so we took a local minibus there from Yangshuo, giving us the opportunity to check out the lush local countryside, filled with orange groves and vegetable fields.

To get to the boat landing point in Xingping, we walked through a street of old style Chinese houses, complete with old men playing a mahjong outside and dogs snoozing on doorsteps. If it wasn’t for the glow of televisions seen through open doors, it felt like it could have been the China of a hundred years ago.

The river cruise itself induces me to a frenzy of superlatives: if I was actually paying for my airfare, that trip alone would be worth the cost. The scenery is so amazing, that, if one was a theist in a playful mood, one might think that God had got bored with sensible, everyday landscapes and allowed himself the luxury of indulging his powers to the full and doing whatever he wanted. I have no doubt that a geologist would have an alternative, but no less astounding, explanation.

It was probably also the most tranquil experience I’ve had in China, and after four months of the hustle and bustle of Shijiazhuang, cruising on the clear river, contemplating the astounding natural beauty and animals quietly grazing on the shore was a tonic to the soul.

Other tonics were provided at Monkey Jane’s, a hostel whose rooftop bar is an almost obligatory stop off point for visitors to Yangshuo. We chose not to sample the snake shooters, but instead headed for the 2-for-1 cocktail menu, and although service can be a little tardy, they certainly mix a great mojito. As well as the snake liquor and enviable views over the town to the river, the bar boasts possibly the most ragged pool table I have ever seen. This however was not much of an issue for me, as my pool skills are so bad there is little that can make them worse. We did however enjoy playing several cocktail fuelled games, and met an impressively varied medley of travellers.